Have to inform you all of a place to take your families. There are rides and swimming. It cost a bit, but completely worth the price. Funplex is the name of

Work, home, bathe children, shower, feed children, and then off to bed. That is what I do everyday. Sometimes a break would be nice, and with that being said i

the beginning

I guess this should have been my very first blog. Lol. I am doing it now though.

I was 14, a freshman in high school when I met him. He was 15 and a sophomore. There was nothing really there at first. I was dating someone else at the time. My best friend happened to be dating a friend of his. So that's how we met. We were just friends. I didn't see anything going anywhere. Well I ended it with the other person. He was a cheater. And it just so happened that me and "him" got together. We were together. We went to school together, he would walk me to my classes, come to my house almost every day. We were together for about 7 months before we started having sex. I didn't think it could happen to me. I was young, thought I nothing I seen on tv would happen to me. Well boy was I wrong! I was 15, it was october, and we didn't use protection like so many other times before. I believe I conceived my daughter on october 10, 2000.
I found out I was pregnant in november. I was so scared. I had a million things running through my head. what was I going to do?! Keep this baby, abort, how do I tell my parents, will I even tell them, how do I tell him, will he stay with me, will he help me with the baby if I did keep it? I was so young. I called him and told him. He seemed happy. I remember he made a comment of how he already knew I was. Now the next thing was for me to tell my family. But how? My father was abusive, I didn't want to get hit. I became stressed and dint know what to do. I hid it for a long time. I went through my pregnancy for 5 months, never going to a doctor, never taking vitamins, just hiding it from everyone. I remember the night it came out. My brother was the one that told my parents, my mom came and asked me if I was pregnant. I lied and said no. I still couldn't bring myself to tell her. In the end they found out. The next month or two was hell.
My first appointment seeing the midwife my father wrecked because he was driving crazy in the hospital parking lot. He blamed it on me saying if I wasn't such a lying bitch it would have happened, or if I wasn't a slut. So I ended up going to stay with my aunt for about another month while I finished that year of school. After school was done I moved in with him and his family. That was a change for me. I had basically no one. I felt so alone. I felt lost. I had the baby that summer. A beautiful little girl. She was the best thing that has ever happened to me. There have been many issues in my life and I am only 26. Him and I have split up and gotten back together. I have went from speaking to my father to not a couple of times. I have went from a high school student to a mother, to a drop out, to a mediical assistant/phlebotomosit/cna and hopefully a rn/bsn in my short 26 year life span. Life is full of hurdles, its all about how you handle them that matter.
My daughter will be turning 10 this summer, and she now has 4 siblings. I married her father and he is the father of all of my children. I have stress in my life, but wouldn't change my life in anyway. I have learned so much.

more

So it seems that everyone around us keep asking when are we having another! Yeah right! I do not want another. I know I sound selfish but I am ready to have just time for me. Time where I am not having to breast feed or make a bottle. Oh have I mentioned diaper changes? I am ready for this baby to just get big so I am done with all those diapers. My thoughts when I am asked about another baby I always seem to think, "why don't you try and have 5 kids and then tell me when you'll want a 6th!" Mean? I think I am being realistic.

all growed up

As I sit here and think I realize how exhausted I am. With work, and 5 children I realize that I am now an adult. Kind of odd I know, I mean I have been a mother for nearly 10 years now, but the truth is that I didn't want to face the facts. Life is moving forward and I am doing what I have to do to take care my family and myself. I wonder on rare occasions what life would have been like if I would have waited to have children at an older age. I wonder if life would have been easier. If I would have been less stressed. If I would have been a better mother. Life is stressful, and I always feel like I don't have the strength to move on, but some how I manage to get up and do what I have to do.